The Giant Chub


Well, I think the Hawkeye fans are very tired and mildly embarrassed. We fluffed as hard as we could, and the “Giant Chub” (as Bro Taguchi calls it the essence of Hawkeye football spirit) rose into the sky, only to deflate fast when we got busted by Ohio State stroking it to the lingerie section of the Sears Catalog. Of course, we’re only mildly embarrassed because OSU is #1 and they sure as hell played like it (although some Hawks fans didn’t grasp this. Some girls behind my crew and me were whining, “Our defense sucks! Why can’t they stop Antonio Pittman?” We tried, “Because he’s mothafuckin’ Antonio Pittman, and he’s a badass,” but they didn’t understand. I won’t make a gender issue out of this, because I’m sure there were plenty of freshmen males pulling the same shit.) Downtown Iowa City last Saturday was populated by sad souls trying to make it all go away.

Well, Purdue is at Kinnick tomorrow. I imagine that once we lock the door and pull out the vaseline, the Chub will rise. But for tonight, I get the feeling that we’re a little scared to touch it. The Sears Catalog is hidden under the bottom drawer of the desk.
Pumpkin will feel very smug as he reads this. But upsets do happen in college football, and Pumpkin knows this (or chooses to ignore it). I think most Hawkeye fans knew what was on their doorstep, but we were having too much fun with the lingerie section. We kept fluffing.
I can hear the marching band practicing still at 7:03. They’re unzipping the pants right now….

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About MC_Spanky_ McGee

Spanky really likes Wendy's #6, and does not buy the so-called purist's prohibition against adding onions or pepperjack to Spicy Chicken. Spanks also rocks out El Burrito Loco in DeKalb, IL. Winners: Arby's, Taco Bell, and Burger King. Losers: Taco John's and people who don't cuss. Slappy is a firm believer in evolution, loves his iPod, and does not like the Republican Party. Slappy also likes double-bass-driven metal (Tool, Lamb of God, etc), funk, classic rock, but also likes classical and pop music.

10 thoughts on “The Giant Chub

  1. I’d rather dip my hog in bondo than watch this game. Is Gene Keady still the coach at Purdue? Is Glenn Robinson still the Big Dog on campus? Is Drew Brees going pro?

    If any of those questions seem a bit dated, that’s because those were the last times Purdue had any relevance in the patch.

  2. Tagooch: I’d feel tired if I were rooting for Illinois, too.

    I feel a subject change coming imminently.

    Pumpkin: your material is worse than trout. It’s pure red herring, but I’m not sure you know what that means. I expect more smoke and mirrors from you now, and I *know* you won’t disappoint.

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