THE PRECIOUS

Here’s more of my recent reading adventures. I’m reading Rolling Stone #1014 on my kingly throne, and on pages 102 and 103, I find an ad for the LG chocolate phone:

b000h7gva401_aa280_sclzzzzzzz_v62782843_.jpg

In pink letters next to the phone, the ad says,

Push me, touch me, slip me, slide me, pull me close and whisper to me. Grip me, grab me, hold me, stroke me. Realize that you can’t be without me. Feel me, dig me, need me, crave me, Go with it you know you want me, turn me on and light me up.

Obviously the goddamned phone is talking to you, the reader. When I first read it, I got excited and and started thinking about my zubbie (my zubra). Ok, back to the phone. I don’t know about you, but Bro Taguchi and myself think of this shit:

gollum.jpg

-

I can’t remember who came up with it (probably Tagooch), but, around two years ago, someone started calling his cell phone “The Precious.” Because ya just havta pet, stroke, protect and love your cell phone. Notice how cranky you (my audience) get when you lose your phone or it stops working. You get Gollum-level pissy.

Looky here, LG. We were on top of that shit. Our crew can cosign on that. What’s super-awesome is that LG has tapped the vein of the American arm. They know that we’re hooked, and they’re telling us to our faces that they know that we know that they know that

Newsflash, people: the triumph of advertising is complete. Everything is out in the open. LG has embraced that.

-El Spanko Gordo

This entry was posted in Propaganda, Random Lashing Out, Tech by MC_Spanky_ McGee. Bookmark the permalink.

About MC_Spanky_ McGee

Spanky really likes Wendy's #6, and does not buy the so-called purist's prohibition against adding onions or pepperjack to Spicy Chicken. Spanks also rocks out El Burrito Loco in DeKalb, IL. Winners: Arby's, Taco Bell, and Burger King. Losers: Taco John's and people who don't cuss. Slappy is a firm believer in evolution, loves his iPod, and does not like the Republican Party. Slappy also likes double-bass-driven metal (Tool, Lamb of God, etc), funk, classic rock, but also likes classical and pop music.

946 thoughts on “THE PRECIOUS

  1. NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

    There’s a video they show in DM where 3 hunters are standing in a field by their trucks and chatting. Then their buddy arrives in some kind of compact car. The 3 real men start laughing hysterically,

    4th guy (getting out of his car): “What?”
    Narrator: “Need a new truck?”

    Yes, he needs a new truck. Vehicles are made to keep other people from laughing at you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>